Leapsa lu Peste (in cazul asta Ilana)

Ilana, te urmaresc insa eu nu mai tin minte asa de bine datile la care am primit cele mai tari saruturi, asa ca mai bine numesc cele 10 persoane care m-au sarutat in feluri in care nu pot uita, si le voi clasifica intr-un fel daca a fost bine sau rau
1) Iulian Milea ( haha daca razi te omor)....primul sarut am dat dinti in dinti, deci de cacat =)) ( nu imi aduc aminte ca saruturile care au urmat cu el au fost better)
2) Victor...primul meu prieten din clasa a 9-a....nu prea m-a pasionat felul in care sarura si stii ca mie imi place sa sarut
3) Mircea...un ani de saruturi care sa ma ameteasca...mai ales ultimul sarut, cand i-am zis sa ma sarute ca si cum a fost ultima oara, si chiar atunci a fost ultima oara :)))
4) Horia aka Horica =)) Horia Matei...not my kind of type of kiss...prea isi tinea gura inchisa si parca incerca sa penetreze cu limba =)) (gandea cu capul limbii=)))
5) Daria, copila saruta demential si are o limba asa de moale =)
6) Simona ( nu mi-e jena, I kissed a girl and I liked it) saruta super marfa:P
7) Monkey , sarutul inocent de copil
8) Mahay...sarutul dragostei vietii mele pe atunci...
9) Scott in Liquid :)) pntru simplu motiv al dansului lui de JT combinat cu atingeri patimase si un sarut wow
10 ) Theo, un coleg grec de la munca cu care mai flirtez la munca ( Zach stie asa ca nu ma ucide ca stie ca e inocent)...eram in Glass wash si ma pregateam sa scot niste pahare si el spala barul, si iam zis kiss me baby si mi-a bagat limba pe gat=))
11) ultimate best kiss....la asta tin minte data ..de fapt este un interval 5 ianuarie pana acum...Zach...buze carnoase si pasiune....za beeeest :X... :P
asa ca no comment:))

fara sa fiu surprinsa ma trezesc intr-o camera goala, neatinsa de parfumul lui. imi intorc privirea catre perete si oftez adanc. in cap imi rasuna propriile cuvinte "it would be better if for a while we focused upon our studies"...masca perfecta poate pentru inceputul sfarsitului sau sfarsitul unei etape din viata noastra...
dupa 10 ore de somn inca mai simt nevoia sa imi pun capul pe perna si sa dorm...parca asa infrunt mai usor ceva ce nu vreau sa recunosc. Sa vreau sa imi las capul pe perna si sa nu ma mai trezesc pentru o saptamana...Insa parca si de somn mi-e teama pentru ca reflecta starea mea de acum, deci vise ciudate imi trec prin minte.
insa cred ca e mai bine sa mai dorm un pic....desi am dormit prea mult inca ma simt obosita, ma simt infranta de propriile mele ganduri, si vremea de afara nu e nici ea favorabila pentru o zi in care sa pun un zambet pe fata...
am plecat...catre perna si plapuma...mai incolo chiar ca ma apuc de tema

usa se tranteste in urma ta...stiu ca nu o sa te mai vad o vreme, dar in definitiv este decizia mea.o sa imi fie dor, o sa imi fie greu, dar trebuie sa imi demonstrez ca pot trai fara tine, macar o anume perioada de timp.iti aud pasii cum se indeparteaza de usa mea catre iesirea din apartament, aud cum cobori scarile, si in final tragi usa de la iesirea principala dupa tine. tu nu stii ce o sa urmeze, tu nu stii ca o sa te evit si o sa gasesc orice scuza sa nu te vad in afara orelor de munca.
Incepe introspectia si tehnica oglinzilor paralele. Readuc totul la momentul in care curiozitatea a inceput sa se nasca, si am inceput sa devenim noi doi. am atatea intrebari pentru care tu ai dat un raspuns promp si definitiv....destinul.
si daca m-as fi dus acasa de craciun, si daca nu as fi inceput sa lucrez cu tine, si daca nu as fi iesit la ziua ei sa te vad acolo si sa te iau in brate....si daca nu am fi iesit cu totii impreuna....si daca...marca ipotezelor..insa tu mi-ai zambit si mi-ai zis clar...e mana destinului asa ca nu ai de ce sa te mai intrebi atata...
daca nu s-ar fi intamplat asta, nu as fi avut curajul sa fiu cine sunt eu cu adevarat, nu as fi avut curajul sa recunosc ca viata e prea scurta si ca merita traita, nu as fi avut curajul sa recunosc ca am nevoie de cineva care sa fie alaturi de mine in permanenta, cand am nevoie...
Dimineata a fost obositoare...somnul chinuit de decizia pe care aveam sa o formulez...aceasta saptamana sau ce a mai ramas din ea , o sa ne dedicam studiilor noastre...tu nu stii ca de fapt am vrut sa zic ca nu vreau sa te vad in afara orelor de munca.
totusi camera mea iti poarta amprenta...prosopul pe spatele scaunului meu, periuta ta langa a mea...cravata langa camasa mea, inelul si lantul tau la gatul meu...
e mai bine asa...mai bine pe dracu..ma doare :)

Sa te fut Sage ca sa o zic pe romaneste
1. SUNT: cine vreau eu sa fiu asa ca obisnuieste-te cu idea ca nu ma poti schimba
2. AȘ VREA: as vrea…..as vrea prea multe dar in mare parte ma gandesc ca el este centrul dorintelor si pasiunilor mele
3. PĂSTREZ: pachete de tigari cumparate la negru, am déjà unu din Polonia, unul din Lituania
4. MI-AȘ DORI: sa gasesc un job mai bine platit
5. NU ÎMI PLACE: cand cineva care nu e la acelasi nivel social sau cultural cu mine ma critica si imi zice cum sa imi traiesc viata
6. MĂ TEM DE: nu este “de” este “sa”…ma tem sa il pierd 
7. AUD: voci in fiecare seara inainte sa adorm. Dar asta e pentru ca stiu ca vorbeste in somn si nu ca am innebunit de cand am plecat din tara
8. ÎMI PARE RAU: nu stiu daca imi pare rau
9. ÎMI PLACE: de ce sa mint? sexul
10. NU SUNT: lasa….cred
11. CÂNT: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
12. NICIODATĂ: nu as fi crezut ca mistoul pe care il aplicam mamei va deveni realitate
13. RAR: mananc mai nou
14. PLÂNG: de fiecare data cand cineva la care tin are probleme sau trece printr-o perioada greas
15. NU SUNT: iarasi nu sunt…..
16. NU ÎMI PLACE DE MINE : in general
17. SUNT CONFUZĂ: dimineatza cand ma trezesc si simt ceva tare in spatele meu (peretele desigur;)))
18. AM NEVOIE:iarasi nu mi-e jena sa recunosc…de sex draga, de sex
19. AR TREBUI: sa mai tai din dependenta
20. AȘ PUTEA: as putea sa ma apuc de tema, dar cred ca ma duc la somn

citam pe andu " it's like instead of kissing you, i started snowing" cool snow flakes coming down my face. i look around me, everything is white...bit still there is no sign of you. the snow is fresh, is pure, but not like "this love". I wake up.
it's like instead of huggin you, it started rainiing. cold raindrops coming down my face. I take a peak around me. The grass is so green and the air is so fresh, just like "this love". But I don't want to wake up this time.
it's like instead if caressing your face, you wrapped your arms around me. I look arounf me...I can't see anything. I just feel the warmth and comfort. I finally rest my head down your chest and feel free to go back to sleep. not even the english summer rain or the rainbow's light compares to this feeling.
it's like instead of sayin "I love you" i could say...xdasasfasdfsadvs. I never said that, but it's never too late. either way, in my eyes and heart they would mean the same thing. and never say never, because never might staer now and never end :)
It's like instead going to sleep, i stayed awake and watch you sleep. either way I do this....when the dawn comes i awake from my slumber and feed my hunger of watching you...but i could never clentch this hunger.
There are so many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how to begin. I'd rather write them down and givem to you so you could read them, because it;s much more easier for me to arrange my thoughts, and i wouldn't be so intimidated by your presence. But I am not going to make them public, because it's not the public's concearn to know what i have to say....just wait for the second part :)

piercing eyes and a smile so warm.a hand that always holds mine when I am in need. a voice that softly whispers to me "good morning" and makes me smile.
how can I put togather some words and describe a person without being subjective? once you put on love's glasses, everything starts to have a different meaning. everything that is bad seems to go away, the light and positiviness taking the right place in my life.
then you start seeing life in a different light. you seem to see what you have never seen, feel what you have never felt and cry like you have never cried.
that's when you know for sure what has been happening to you. your heart pounds quicker and your breath goes mental. you feel him so close to you even though he is in the other corner of the building, hoping that somewhere in the middle , your paths will come togather...and they do eventually, and they get lost in a smile and in a touch of the hand. then you go back in the same revery, hoping to go back to that middle point.
But there are those other things that take place behind the walls of that prison. the embrace, the touch and the eternal kiss. they all come togather in desire, which burns...
It's funny how many things i can see in his eyes. maybe because this time for sure i can say that I love him

I wonder how long it took me to write this down. I had to look through my friends' pictures...some new and some old, I had to shed tears of anxiety because I miss some of them, and because, right now, I don't feel like I have a proper place in the world.
I am afraid to leave this city, but I am even more afraid to leave this world. at least for now.
I am putting my guns down and rest my head on the pillow. I run away and hide in myself for as long as possible. I need to have people around me, but I want to be alone. I smile with tears in my eyes, and I hate because I love so much
But since when do I have to hate because I love? because I have the feeling that I am causing him trouble, and the last thing I want is for him to be in trouble. I just close my eyes and cry again.
DOn't ask me why...I just feel this pain that I have to cry out...pain or join, I lost the sense of feelings

Requiem for a Dream

she walks in her flat door, slowly walking to her room. she felt tired, and needed to go to sleep. she unlocked the door of her room, took the postman bag off, and then the coat. she was all dressed in black, because that was her uniform...but black is her favourite colour :)...she slwowly starts undressing, puts a towel on, and heads to the shower...she is missing him and deep down inside she hopes that by the time she gets out of there, he will be there, waiting for her with his loving arms widley opened.
she lets the water fall down...so hot...she wets her hair and her tired body thinking of the cold nights when he was there for her. she is afraid that this little dream will fall apart and that they will succed in separating them. she leans on the shower's wall letting the hot water falling down on her body. it was this echo that she couldn't shake off :"do you see me where I am standing?where am I? I am here and I will always be. you are my strenght"
She is his kiddo, she is his star...she is so many things to him...She is Carrie from Sex and the City when she writes about them, she is Samantha Jones in bed, Miranda Hobbes when she feels like being mean, and Charlotte York when she cries.
and yes, she cries a lot...she cries when he is in pain, she cries just at the thought that something might happen to him,she cries because she loves.
they created this little universe of theirs in that little room of hers...a refuge from the world, and she loved going back to that room just because it had his fingerprints all over the place.
She snaps from her dream, and turns off the water...slowly puts her towel back on, and all drenched in water walks to a room that she knows that is going to be empty...she sits on her bed,missing him there, missing the man that haunts her dreams, the man for whom she changed her way of being....she just wishes he was there, standing on her side, with his arm around her so she could play with her fingertips on his delicious chocolate skin

desire

Today it snowed...it was so beautiful...just like the first day i saw the white cover on this foreign, still virgin lands for me. it brought back nice memories, souvenirs that i keep close to my heart just like his ring on my necklace. one month has already passed, one month in which I've learnt to submitt my will to one man, but not by denying my desires...just completing them with what we share.
He calls it destiny...destiny crossed our path in that cold, snowy january night. I longed for him, I lusted him...I wanted him...and I had him....and I thought that everything will crumble once the pendulum will strike 12 o'clock in the night and the magic of that winter day will dissapear....but it went on, and on, to this present day.
I've learnt to trust myself and trust him. hard to believe for someone who has been through what I've been. I learnt to be warm again, to smile, to give without asking in return. I've learnt how to live again, in a distinct way of what i was used to.
My ego disappeared. The need of independence as well. All i know is that I am being tied down by his kisses and embrace, my ice cold skin turns burning when I feel that he is close to me. and he is...every day, every minute,every second...he is a part of me already, a part of my way of thinking, a part of my way of leaving...the solitary me has been dissolved, " us" took its' place.
My pride? vanished under one gaze of his
I am lucky..I really am...he makes me want to be better, because in a way I feel that i don't deserve someone like him, a kind soul that really cares about me. he makes me want to be better, for myself and this whole world. here I am, in this cold room, in this cold night, waiting patiently for his return. he is all I need right now