anxiety

Anxiety- define it and release me from it. Time has never been my ally, but now it seems to suffocate me even more…it’s been 7 days since we have been apart, yet this hour made me feel zillion of kilometers away from you. If I have waited patiently one week for you, now my heart is pounding so fast that I can’t control myself….tic tac tic tac…this is how it goes.
Me in this bed, and you in that plane, coming back home, but not sure if you’re coming back to me.
21:00…you text me saying to wait for you…I jump out of my bed. Practically I am losing my head…I already imagine the moment you text me saying that you are outside, and you’re waiting for me to open the door. This Audrey Hepburn scenario flashes in front of my eyes…me in my black dress, coming down barefoot, my skin glowing of happiness, you …waiting for me downstairs…dropping your bags when you see me, holding me so tight that I lose my breath…
But it crumbles…it all crumbles…
21:15….i text you with my complete selfishness and tell you to come mines. I’m expecting this answer…yes baby, I will be there in 20 minutes…so hold on and wait for me…
21:25… you text me back : I will come soon for sure, cuz I miss you and I want you…but …I have to sort out some bits and pieces…my mind is already sawing the threads of conspiracy. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. I am left KO in front of a blank page called confusion. Could it be that he is talking about us? Could it be that he will say…yeah, we had a hell of a time, let’s have another go but then go on our separate ways?
And it got me thinking…could it be distance that really sets the pace when you have feelings for someone? Or could it be that when you are taking it to fast, distance makes it more obvious that it was all a mistake…
Tic tac…tic tac again…I stare at an empty sheet again…my mind is blank, but at the same time I am filled with emotion. I lack resolve…finally I decide to ask the crucial question, that now sounds silly
21: 45…I text you again…is it about us? Is it something bad? No answer up till now.
I have butterflies in my stomach, and Danielle Steel type of images in my mind…the dirty perverted ones biensur. My room feels so empty knowing that you are around, but that you are not here. My bed misses your scent, and my body missed your arms around me when we go to sleep. All I can think now is that I am going to spend another night alone, maybe another to come. In a strange way I feel like I will lose you anytime soon, and this feeling is like a bomb, ready to burst.
I take a deep breath….i try to relax, not to think and not to sound so clingy and desperate. I love you, I wish I could tell you this, but it’s to soon. This is all I can think off, this is all I can feel. And this hour that just has passed me by, made me realize that is to soon to open up myself. In a strange way, even made me want to erase what I feel and think, not to make this even more complicated.
Tic tac, tic tac again…I’m waiting for my mind to come back from Mars. There is where it always go when it comes about you ( or I have a spliff). Release me from what I feel. End this torment and tell me that everything is going to be just swell. Forgive my revery and wake me up with a gentle kiss and a warm hug. That’s all I need now. Words can harm us. I don’t want to talk no more. I just want to hold you and be held….as if it was the last time. Turn off the light and turn me on, give me a part of you so I could be whole again. Close your eyes and fall asleep with me, as I fall asleep with you even when you are not around.
Damn these thoughts. They are spamming my mind and make me go mental…ok…I take my remote…mute


The fucking end